If Only
by desireedoriayay
Summary: When he first looked me in the eyes, I knew that a piece of me would belong to him forever, whether he wanted it, or not. There are many things I regret not doing in my past, but the one thing I regret the most, is not telling him my true feelings.


-1**If Only**

Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek, folks.

A/N: Okay, so this is a oneshot taken place a year before Derek and Casey became stepbrother/stepsister. Hope you guys enjoy.

When he first looked me in the eyes, I knew that a piece of me would belong to him forever, whether he wanted it, or not. There are many things I regret not doing in my past, but the one thing I regret the most, is not telling him my true feelings.

It was February 16, a friend of mine decided to drag me to the school fair. As soon as we passed the entrance, there he was, standing near the science room with a group of his friends. Once our eyes had met, he started to walk towards me. My heart panicked. _He's just a guy, just another average Joe, _I began to tell myself in an attempt to calm down. But sadly, it failed. And although we have known about one another for a while, that day was the first day we actually spoke. Before he said anything to me, he signaled me to go near the basketball courts. "Hello," he began, "How are you doing?"

"Good. And how are you?" I said as I started to blush. I wanted to say so much more, but those were the only words that were able to come out of my mouth.

"Well…" He began to trail off.

"Well?"

"_Well_ just regular, I guess," He finally said with a smile growing in the right corner of his mouth.

"And by _regular_ you mean…?"

"Nothing, nothing at all."

I made a face. "I guess," I mumbled.

"Well it would have been boring if I just said I was doing 'fine' right?"

I began to laugh, "Right. I guess I've been quite _regular_ myself," I said, now walking.

That night must have been one of the best nights of my life, we talked for hours. We walked for hours. It was surely the most exercise I got that year. As days went on, we spoke more. More frequently, more openly. But as months passed, my feelings for him grew rapidly. Stronger, deeper. Since the beginning of this all, I knew that it would have been a long shot to have tried to make a move on him, for the fact that we lived a few hours away from one another. So I stayed my distance. I was content with being 'just friends.' Well, at least for the time being.

It was June and my first year of high school was coming to an end. As we got more comfortable around one another, we began to talk on the phone each night to catch each other up on our 'life stories.'

"So, where are we going?"

I was confused, "Going? What do you mean?"

"Um, you said you wanted to hang out, right?"

I was stunned, _He actually wants to hang out with me? I could die! Does this mean what I think it means? Oh, no. Casey, don't get yourself too excited. _As I got caught up in my own conversation inside of my head, Derek went on about his day, and how he and a couple of friends went to a lake nearby his house, and how one of his friends lost his own bike in the lake.

June 15, he came down for the week and asked if I could be ready in 15 minutes. For weeks now, I have been preparing to tell him the truth about how I felt. How I liked him, how I enjoyed his company, how I waited for our daily conversations, regardless if it would have had to be through e-mails, on AIM, through texts, or during the random moments he called to just say 'Hi.' Those moments we spoke, were the best moments of my life. And I couldn't wait to actually tell him face-to-face. As he picked me up from my house to go to the park, I was debating with myself as to what and how I should tell him how I felt and when the right time would be. I mean, do I just blurt it out? Many words and phrases danced in my mind like tiny ballroom dancers competing for a prize. But oddly enough, none of them truly expressed the way I felt. After and hour or so went by, I had finally decided what and how I was going to tell him. Until he dropped the 'GF Bomb' on me.

"Okay…Casey," He began to say, "I have a girlfriend….Ha ha! Isn't that great? Her name's Claire."

I stood there in front of him for what seemed like years, trying to let what he just said sink in. Until I finally snapped out of it, "Oh, that's great! I'm so so so _so_ happy for you…." Were the only words I was able to force out. But luckily those words came with a smile.

I tried not to look at him while he was smiling, because I knew that, that would only make me feel worse inside than I already did. But since I have no ability to control myself, I looked. The look on his face theoretically stabbed me in my heart. Because I knew that I wasn't the reason why that particular smile was on his face. It was because of another girl. Another girl named _Claire_. Lost in thought, he decided to break the silence that had been among us for a good six minutes.

He smiled. "You know, Casey? I'm very happy you're one of my close friends." And although he didn't purposefully mean for it to happen, but those words struck me harder than anything I could remember.

After my that day, he and I didn't speak. I ignored his calls, until one day, he just stopped calling. I didn't go online as much as I had before. I just stuck to my books, and studied for school. Mainly due to the fact that I could hardly bring myself to picture his face in my mind. Although I did. Many, many times. His face is what filled most of my dreams, most of my thoughts. And now I can't help but to wonder 'what if?'

After I had finally gotten over Derek, Mom had started to date again. Seeing that it was again safe to leave me home alone with Lizzie. I've only met him once, but he seems like a nice guy. His name's George. And from what Mom says, he's intelligent, and charming. And why would I disagree?

Months had passed and Mom was dying to tell us the 'big news.'

"Okay you two…" She began with a smile so big, it was ear to ear. "I'm getting married!"

Although I wasn't all so excited at first, as a good daughter, I tried my best to make my mom happy and helped her with as much as I could.

The next day, Mom and George had organized a special dinner for the two families to 'bond.' I understood that George had children of his own, two sons and a daughter. Now, I'm not quite familiar with their age group, but Mom told me they were around Lizzie's age and mine.

"Okay, girls," Nora started to say, as we waited in front of the restaurant, "I'm so proud of you two, you two handled this so well."

"Hi kids," George said as he walked towards Lizzie and I, "These are my kids, Marti, the youngest, Edwin, the middle, and Derek, the eldest of my bunch."

_Wait, WHAT?!_ My mind began to spin, _Is this really happening?_

"Now kids, this is Lizzie and Casey, Nora's daughters. Now I know this is going to be a lot of getting used to but, let's try to make the most out of it," He continued to say.

As everyone else went inside, I had decided to stay behind to gather my thoughts.

"Hi…Casey," said a far too familiar voice behind me.

"Hello," I started to say, "So…it's been a while, since you and I, you know…have seen each other or spoke."

"Yeah, and now we're going to be step siblings," He laughed in an attempt to lighten up the situation.

And all that came out of me was an unwilling smile.

_Well_, I began to say to myself, _This should really be interesting._


End file.
